Caregiver flyer group couple ladyIt still does not resonate with many adult children — they are becoming or have become the “carers” of their parent. How did this happen. We always look for Mom and Dad for guidance, encouragement and support. Now for many adult children, these roles have been and are being reversed.
What tools do these adult children have in place to become the caregivers of the parents? How do we mother Mom and father Dad? Where are the boundaries? Do we care for them in our home or do we move in with them? What about adult day centers if we — the adult children — are still working outside the home? Have we thought of assisted living, in-home support or even nursing care facilities?
I want to share this article with you and look forward to hearing your feedback.
Remember, Caregivers need care too.
The Valleys and Mountains of Caregiving
Valleys and Mountains of Caregiving2013Did you believe the full or almost full time care of a spouse or parent would be without stress? Did you think family members and friends would be available and understanding to support you at that most crucial moment?
Has it changed? How long have you been the primary caregiver for a loved one? How often are you taking breaks? Do you think about respite?
Caregivers need care, attention, time outs, managed time and just time for themselves to be and do some of the things they used to do or just to sit and think and relax and not worry about the care and concern of others.
How often are you willing or would you be willing to fit this “time out” into your schedule?
If you live in the Los Angeles area, New Beginnings is offering a caregiver discussion focusing on ups and downs of caregiving. Join us.
Holiday Caregiving
When do the holidays officially start? Somewhere around Halloween? Our expectations grow. Stress starts to increase. Who’s coming for dinner? Are they spending the night? If so, are there dietary restrictions? Are they bringing additional guests who have never visited before?
Are they sharing in the food preparation? Should prepared meals be purchased? Are we able to go out for the holiday dinner?
These are some of the questions famiies face during the holiday season. Let’s imagine these questions in addition to caring for a loved one who is no longer able to provide the proper care for themselves. Do you feel the stress compounding?
We are in the midst of the hoilday season. What are you as the caregiver in your family doing as a caregiver to take better care of yourself?
Have you suggested that friends and family members bring a dish to share? How about a potluck dinner? Holidays are really about quality time spent with loved ones. Do they really know the difference between your homemade pie and one from the local bakery? More importantly, do you have the time and the energy to make those specialties while caring for your loved one?
If you do, when are you getting the necessary rest and attention you need and deserve?
Whenever friends, family member or associates call asking if there is something they can do to assist you with your caregiving needs, please respond with an errand, a task or volunteer service.
They really do want to help.
Do not hesitate to shorten visits from family and friends. You are enjoying their company, but are most likely exhaiusted from your day-to-day routine and the extras for this holiday season.They understand.
It is also important to make friends and family aware of the health of the person who is being cared for. Perhaps there have been major changes since they last saw or spoke with your loved one. Will Mom or Dad recognize them? Do young children make too much noise? Does your loved one sleep most of the day? Do they wander around? Consider the inconvenience of the loved one.
Holiday caregiving can be easier for you and the family if you allow others to assist you and don’t make grand plans that will leave you more stressed and tired after the holidays end.
Remember that you are a special gift to the family, to yourself and to your loved one. Take advantage of offerings. — a movie, spa day, shopping, time out. YOU NEED CARE TOO.
Caregiver Avoidance
It’s a nice sunny Saturday afternoon — probably one of the last days to bask in sunshine before the coolness of autumn strikes. How do you celebrate this afternoon? Do you go inside and get a book or magazine and sit quiety reading or maybe even using your kindle? How about removing some of the overgrown weeds from your garden?
Did you think about just allowing yourself to accept these moments of deserved relaxation just being — just being?
As caregivers, we take less time to relax and unwind. Are we attempting to avoid self-care, or have we become accustomed to busying ourselves at all times? After a few minutes of rest and relaxation, that task will still be there patiently waiting.
What are some things you are avoding as a caregiver? Just like those weeds in our garden, left unattended, the issues you are avoiding start to grow beyond control.
Do you schedule and attend regular doctor’s appointments? Are you following orders after the visit? If medications have been prescribed, have the prescriptions been filled and are you taking the medications as directed. When is the last time you planned regular date-nights and social activities with friends?
Just as the days of summer wind down, caregivers have to take time-outs to wind down from the day-to-day responsibilities of caring for loved ones.
Avoiding self-care only leads to more issues such as unnecessary stress, chronic diseases, lack of focus, isolation. Call a friend, walk around the block, watch a favorite television program, take a nap, sip a nice hot tea or other favored healthy drink, listen to music and dance. The movement is good for your body. Laugh as you remember that step.
As a caregiver, it is important to take care of youself. This allows you to give your loved one the best care.
Share your ideas with me. Because I know Caregivers Need Care Too.
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